Paranoimia: The Art of Noise

Max Headroom was the man!

Being the poster child for the 80s Computer Geek kids, I absolutely loved Max Headroom. What’s not to love: a computer generated personality, several David Letterman appearances, a music video host. OK, so it’s best to forget about his whole association with New Coke, but everyone’s allowed their screw-ups now and then.

I got this single simply because it had Max Headroom in the video. He sings (well, really talks) through out the song. The chorus “paranoimia… paranoimia, paranoimia” over and over again gets stuck in your head like a whole set of china.

Cry: Godley and Creme - It was the Cremiest and Godliest

Artist: Godley & Creme

Song: Cry (remix Version)

Produced by: Tervor Gorn and Godley & Creme

Remixed by: Nigel Gray

From the Polydor Album The History of Misc Volume 1

B Side: Love Bombs

Label: PolyGram Records (Polydor)

Year: 1985

Duration: 3:55 Minutes

I was the only guy I knew in tenth grade who loved this song, let alone had even heard of it. I remember seeing this video on MTV, either at the beach or at one of my friends houses, and was haunted by the melody. It was just so sad, and it struck a chord with me. The video was sad as well: face after face, morphing into one another (pre-computer morphing), all just simply singing the lyrics of the song. I ran out and got the single, but I’m not sure where I could have found it, maybe at the record store in Dover Mall. I specifically rememeber watching the video at the beach one summer. Only a couple of my friends who lived in town had cable back then.

iTunes didn’t have this song listed a couple of years ago, but it might now. I added Godley and Creme to my Yahoo player favorites, hoping done day it would come up in the rotation. It finally did, a couple of years later, while I was at work. I marked it as a favorite and heard it once again a couple months later. When I finally get an iPod, this’ll be one of the first songs I get.

This is the first of my 45s I’m throwing out. I’ve got to admit, I’m a little sad parting with this. But here it goes, in the trash with it.

Tales of the Green Lantern Corps

Green Lantern was one of my favorite characters from Super Friends (even though he didn’t get much screen time.) I bought this comic because the cover was so interesting. All these Green Lantern’s decked out and flying through space. From Superfriends, I knew Green Lantern was part of a bigger organization: The Green Lantern Corps. Kind of like an intergalactic police force. But I don’t think the cartoon ever showed any other Green Lanterns, besides the origin episode where Hal Jordan gets his ring.

Although the cover was great, when I started reading the comic, I had no idea what the heck was going on. All these characters and back stories, I didn’t know what to make of it. I bought a couple more of these, but was never able to make heads nor tails of them, but it’s still a great cover.

Popples: Those characters from Cleveland

Popples, those loveable stuffed animals you could fold up into a ball and kick around the house. I never cared for Popples too much. I bought a couple of these for my cousins, but it was the first round of Popples, not these. I don’t really remember these ones at all:

• Punkster Popple and Punkity Popple (together they’re rock ‘n roll kick ass fun!)
• Those micheivious Baby Popples
• Puffling Popples hid a riddle in their pouch (Yikes!)
• Popples Sport Balls’ Big Kick Popple, the soccer superstar

Pompous Imperial Commander

This action figure reminds me of the dismay I would feel as a kid when I had a couple bucks to burn in my pocket and went to the store, only to find all the action figures I really wanted weren’t in stock. Imperial Commander was never on the top of my want list, but I thought it would be neat to have him boss around stormtroopers and stuff. I don’t remember buying him. I usually made him run and hide when epic action figure battles were raging. He’d poke his head out every once in awhile to issue a condescending order, then duck back under cover.

I paid $2.99 for him. The price tag has YDC on it. I’m not sure what that meant. With this wave of figures, they dropped the description of the toys, and went with this tagline instead: Look for these exciting action playsets to recreate actual events from the movie. Action Figures & Playsets sold separately. This one has the same back and YDC price sticker as Leia (Hoth Outfit) figure.

Toys advertised on the back of the card were the Snowspeeder, Mini Rigs, Tauntaun, Turrent & Probot Playset, AT-AT and Imperial Attack Base.

Leia’s dressed for winter

Leia (Hoth Outfit) was from the second line of Empire Strikes Back action figures. I had waited through the first line of figures, hoping the would come out with a Hoth version of Luke, and was disapointed when he wasn’t in the second line. I wasn’t crazy over spending my hard earned allowance on a Leia figure and there was never a shortage of her on the shelf. Sometimes I’d manage to find a stash of figures hidden at the back of a store, and they would all turn out to be the Leia figures no one wanted to buy.

I did like the smart outfit on this Leia. I mean, who doesn’t like a peach vest over a snowsuit, with your hair up in a tight bun. Very stylish.

The price tag had YDC on it, and a price of $2.99. It looks like I bought this at the same place I bought the Imperial Commander. Made in Hong Kong.

FX-7: Medical Droid

This was one of the coolest figures. I still remember poaching this one from the back of the drug store’s stock room. His head could go up, down and swivel around 360 degrees. His main arm could swivel around 360 degrees too, and he had nine or ten other arms that poped up from his sides. I was really excited to find this figure. It was one that was a little harder to find when it first came out.

FX-7 was just so different than any of the other action figures at that time. Like most of the other cool figures, he was only in Empire Strikes Back for about 30 seconds. He would always manage to fix up my other action figures after a big battle. In my imagination, FX-7 was a caring, but misunderstood robot who couldn’t talk.

Bossk - Working that orange jumpsuit angle

When I was in sixth grade, I started getting three dollars a week for allowance. Every change I got, I would head straight to the drug store in town where my great aunt used to work. I think it was called Eagles, or Ekart’s or something like that. She would let me go into the back and cherry pick out of the boxes in the back so I could get the action figures I wanted most. Back then, they only had about ten action figures on the shelf, and they had a couple of boxes in the back. Since they had some of the older figures on the shelf, the stock never turned over, and I was able to pick over the stock for several months. Once Christmas hit, they sold out and never restocked.

I think Bossk was my first pick from the stock room. He just really seemed like he could kick butt. He was only on screen for like ten seconds, but he made a great action figure. His gun was also different than everyone else’s. It slid under his armpit. Ha! an armpit gun! He was also barefoot and scaly.

I bought him for $2.99. The back of the card added Yoda to the top of the Empire Strikes Back figures, on the left of the card. I think they added him as a single figure after the first wave of ESB figures came out. This card had the same back as my Yoda card.

Here’s the toys listed on the back of this card:

• Hoth Ice Planet Action Playset - Realistic action playsets includes swiveling action lever to set up mock battles, ALL TERRAIN ARMORED TRANSPORT backdrop with elevator and room inside for action figures plus a radar laser cannon. Figures not Included. Assembly Required.
• Star Destroyer Action Playset - Relive all the exciting events on Darth Vader’s Star Destroyer which includes a meditation chamber, secret escape hatch, laser cannon, prisoner detention pegs and a swiveling command bridge. Figures Not Included. Assembly required.
• Darth Vader Collector’s Case - A 3D sculpture of Darth Vader which holds 31 Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back Action Figures and contains a special Accessory Storage Chamber. Also includes name stickers and a 4-color photo of all Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back Action Figures. Figures not included.

Yoda had a pet snake

Yoda was my all time favorite action figure from my childhood. He could do anything he put his mind to and always came out on top in any action figure battles. I remember buying this figure in a store next to the bowling alley in Easton. I also bought a Star Wars Colorforms (plastic stickers kind of thing) from that same store, but I don’t think it was on the same trip.

Yoda came with an orange snake, a walking kane, a little robe made out of cloth and a utility belt, that had, what I imagined, a small silver lightsaber on it. This figure was just so darn cute! Who wouldn’t love it. It’s how I like to rememeber Yoda: light and funny. Not all grim and serious, like in Return of the Jedi. I mean, he had Fozzy the Bear’s voice for crying out loud.

The back of his card is the same as the Bossk card I have. It doesn’t hav a price sticker on it. “Meets or exceeds all safety requirements of Product Standard 72-76″ is on front, under the Kenner logo.

Han Solo (Hoth Outfit): He thought the smelled bad on the outside

I used to keep the cards from the back of Star Wars action figures packaging. I figured I’d have a ready supply of Proofs of Purchases the next time they had a free action figure give away, like they did for Boba Fett. The proofs of purchases are a small blue and white circle on the back of each card. They say “PROOF OF PURCHASE SEAL - General Mills - CPG PRODUCTS CORP. - STAR WARS ACTION FIGURES.”
Han Solo (Hoth Outfit) was absolutely the last figure I wanted to buy from the first wave of Empire Strikes Back figures. I think I bought this with the Tauntaun in Dover, Delaware. There used to be a catalog store across from the Blue Hen Mall called Towers. There was a discount store at the other end of the shopping strip that changed hands pretty often. I think I bought this figure there. If anyone can tell me the name of that store, I’d love to know (thanks.) The price tag has a “W” on it. I bought this for $2.29. The figure was made in Hong Kong.

Information from the back of the card: Spectacular New Kenner Toys from the New Star Wars Movie, “The Empire Strikes Back” 1980 Lucasfilm LTD.

There were ten figures for the first Empire Strikes Back wave listed on the back of the card:

• Lando Calrissian
• Bespin Security Guard
• Luke Skywalker (Bespin Fatiques)
• Rebel Soldier (Hoth Battle Gear)
• Imperial Stormtrooper (Hoth Battle Gear)
• FX-7 (Medical Droid)
• Leia Organa (Bespin Gown)
• Han Solo (Hoth Outfit)
• Bossk (Bounty Hunter)
• IG-88

Toys listed on the back were:

• Snowspeeder - Authentic rebel vehicle used to defend the secret rebel base. Holds two action figures, has a remote operated landing gear, movable laser cannon, manually operated harpoon, and pulsating laser lights and sound. Action figures not included.
• Millenium Falcon Spaceship- Replica of Han Solo and Chewbacca’s vehicle. “Battle Alert” cockpit seats 2 Action Figures. Manual Radar Disk. Retractable landing skids; entrance ramp folds. Lift Deck for interior play. Gun clicks, chair turns. Secret compartment. Space Chess Board. Action Figures, batteries not included.
• Imperial Troop Transporter- Replica of Imperial STOORMTROOPERS “HOVERCRAFT” VEHICLE holds 11 Action Figures, 6 Star Wars sounds: c-3po, R2-D2, Stormtrooper and others. Front hatch opens. Manual rotating laser gun and swiveling radar disk. 6 side compartments hold prisoners. Action Figures, batteries not included.

Creature Cantina: No droids allowed...

Here’s the Creature Catina set all put together. I remember taking this out of the box and being like: Is that it? I think I got it for my birthday, I don’t remember it under the Christmas tree. I just had a flashback to a store in Easton MD that was in the strip mall where the bowling ally was. I might have bought it there with my allowance now that I think of it. This might not have been a Sear’s exclusive after all. But somehow I got the tall, blue Snaggletooth.

It came with several stickers that go on top of the plastic tables and some that go on the sides of the doors. I remember I had to get them just right, so they matched the picture on the box. It came with this tiny rubber band that you put on the top of the doors. When you closed the doors, there was a little lever the action figures could step on that would send the doors swinging open. I remember putting C-3P0 and R2-D2 outside the door, because they weren’t allowed in the bar.

The base had pegs all over it. The Star Wars figures had small holes on the bottom of their feet. You could plug them into the pegs. This playset had two “action” features that used these pegs, setting on top of a plastic circle that could swivel by pushing or pulling a lever. There was one in the bar and one at the smaller table. These levers were attached to a small notch that came up from under the floor. The notch would go underneath the floor when you moved the lever halfway. You were supposed to put an action figure on top of the notch when it was recessed. When the lever was moved all the way, it would release the notch, making the action figure fall down. If you put Obi-Wan on the lever and Walrus Man on the notch, you could reenact the scene where Obi-Wan cuts his arm off. Yeah, I know, it was lame then too. There was another lever/notch system behind the table.

So I looked this up on e-bay. Even with the box, the last one that sold went for $20.00. In the trash this goes. Why the heck did I hang onto this for thirty years?

Good-bye Creature Cantina.

Creature Cantina: You better watch yourself…

In my own mind, I was the envy of all the other kids in school. In third grade, I was the only kid to get the coveted Star Wars Creature Cantina. This was a Sears catalog exclusive and came with a shorter version of the Snagletooth figure, wearing a blue jumpsuit.

Here’s a scan of the cardboard backdrop from the playset. Other than the band and the jawas (taking a nap on the corner of the stage) there aren’t any other aliens from the movie. Check out the big headed, green guy in the middle of the picture. He’s up to no good for sure!

You had to fold the cardboard along allot of creases to get it to fit into the plastic base of the play set. The crease marks in the picture are from that.

Pink Popple

This guy was just too cute to pass up, so I had to scan him and post him.

By the way: If a Party Popple picked a peck of Popple pals, who’d be the new perky, playful pals Party Popple picked?

Yeah, that’s right! They pop in -- and out! And are more fun that a tounge twister.

Electronic Fun Magazine: 1984 was here

Ah, Electronic Fun Magazine. Of all the video game, home computing, arcade magazines, I loved this one the most. Game reviews (called Hits and Missles), programming tips, color ads and social commentary all for the low price of $2.50 a month. This cover was my favorite. The 1984 article, along with Apple’s 1984 super bowl ad, promted me to read 1984 when I was in ninth grade and do a book report and a term paper on George Orwell’s 1984. I think I got a C+.

For a vid time call - Remember the Hopper

This scandalous ad for Parker Brother’s video games was the first 900 phone service ad I remember seeing. It was an odd concept at the time: you call a number and they bill fifty cents to your phone account, just for calling the number. I remember calling this number like 20 times one day after school and never getting through. Once I got through and it was a voice ad for the Popeye video game with someone talking like Popeye. I remember feeling really jipped.
I guess I should have known with great lines like:

• Roses are red
  Violets are blue
  Q-BERT’S A HOPPER
  And this place is too!


• JEFF IS A WIMP
  I am not wimpy!
  I play Popeye!


• COILY’s A SNAKE!


• I got 700 in English
  BIG DEAL! I GOT 007 FOR MY BIRTHDAY


• GYRUSS IS COMING


• I AM NOT SHORT!


• Super Cobra’s the … think you’re good …the squeeze!

And speaking of hopper. The other day I told one of my kids to throw something in the hopper, and they looked at me like I had three heads. I told them, back in my day, we used to call toilets hoppers. I felt really old. Be sure to teach your kids this word, or it will be lost forever.

The pop-culture stream of conscious begins

I don’t exactly know why I feel compelled to do this. But here are some of my thoughts: I don’t want to let go of my childhood; I want to preserve the rich culture that was Generation X’s wonder years for future generations to enjoy, I need to get rid of this stuff. I’m a thirty something, getting ready to move across country, and I’ve come across a couple boxes of junk from my childhood that I’ve never been able to part with from my youth. There’s old magazines, comics, records, toys and other stuff. I was able to weed out a bunch of stuff, but there’s still some things I couldn’t bring myself to throw out. So I’m thinking I’ll blog about this stuff, then pitch it after I’ve documented each item. I’m an old school thirty something, who’s never done anything social on the web, other than e-mail or IM. The first time I saw a blog, I was like, “So what.” I’m still like that, so we’ll see where this goes.

Rock the Casbah - CulturePops